Cause when you’re falling / I can’t tell which way is down
When you’re falling / I can’t tell which way is down
I keep seeing all those things
My feet don’t touch the ground
(Afro Celt Sound System, via PaganRadioNetwork)

The first snow is falling. The Equinox trappings have been cleared from the alter, and a single candle is lit to mark the passage from one sacred moment to another. The alter – truly a family one, now that Xander is starting his journey on the path – will soon be covered in photos, poems and mementoes of those who have gone before us. Our list grows every year, and even so there are moments of gratitude that this name or that soul has not yet passed to the next world.

For me, this season is not only about mourning the ancestors, but also for mourning what could have been. This is especially sharp for me at the moment as my professional life has been rocked by change so deep and scarring that I don’t know what comes next.

When someone is mourning, we try to comfort them. At some point the comfort becomes discomfort – Why are you still sad? – and we’re left to fall on our own. We learn to hide the sadness within ourselves, to act as if everything is fine.

Everything is not fine.

The first snow continues to fall.

Which way is down?